The following is an excerpt from my journal during Tamar's three day hospital stay.
Hello Daddy! I am sorry that you couldn't be there for me when I was born on March 30, 1999, at 5:35pm. I weighed in at 8lbs. and 5.8 ozs. I was 20 inches long. Mom smiled as she looked at me. She said that I looked just like you, when I was born.
Mom named me Tamar Faith Lunsford. Mom told me that you wanted her to name me Debra after you sister that died but mom chose my first name out of the Old Testament in 2 Samuel the 13 Chapter. My second name was also chosen out of the Old Testament, in the 12th chapter of Genesis. Just like God called Abraham to step out in faith, with everything that mom has endured, God was calling her to step out in faith too.
"The name Tamar means Palm Tree. She stands in summer and spring. She even faces fall with leaves when other trees loose theirs. She still stands. When the cold blight of winter stands up in her face, she withstands the chilly winds and remains green throughout the winter. Tamar is a survivor! Mom is a survivor! Through hard times, God has granted both of us the tenancity to endure stresses and strains."
The above is an excerpt from
T. D. Jakes book Woman Thou Art Loosed.
Faith means to trust in God and His promises as made through scriptures by which man is justified or saved. Mom chose to name me Tamar Faith after the difficult time that she had carrying me after the accident on her job. My kidneys were not developing properly and the doctors advised mom that they would have to operate on me, while I was still inside of her. Stepping out in faith, mom told them that they would not operate on me! After the complicated delivery that almost took both of our lives. The many emergency room visits after my entrance into this world and my recent admission to The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I understand why mom has chosen to name me Tamar Faith because like the palm tree, I am still standing!
What ever your reasons are for breaking your promise to help mom to take care of me and when you turned your back on me when she requested your medical history from the emergency room, before they admitted me into the hospital. I want you to know that I forgive you and so does mom. While in the hospital, the doctors inserted an IV into my little veins two times because it did not work the first time. They took blood and administered medicine into my delicate body, as mom stood by holding my hand. Crying, she pleaded the blood of Jesus! Shortly after this, I fell asleep, the nurse came back to take an xray of my chest. That was easy and I didn't even cry:)
I know that I am really strong because when the doctor came to do a spinal tap on me, it took two nurses to hold me down! Mom cried really bad and had to leave the room until they were finished. As much as she wanted to be strong and comfort me, this was too painful for mom and there was nothing that I could to do. After the spinal tap, they brought mom into the room and mom sang "OH PRECIOUS IS THE BLOOD, THAT MAKES ME WHITE AS SNOW, NO OTHER HELP I KNOW, NOTHING BUT THE BLOOD OF JESUS,"
I knew that everything was going to be okay because mom kept saying and singing songs about the Blood of Jesus! There is some kind of power in the name and the blood of Jesus because mom was getting stronger and so was I! Mom didn't realize it but every tear that I cried, I was pleading the Blood of Jesus! Mom said it so much when she was pregnant that it rubbed off on me. Because I can't talk, I can't tell mom, that this battle is not mines, it's the Lord's! Mom always read the 20th chapter of 2 Chronicles to me! Where the vast army came against Jehoshaphat to destroy him. Afraid Jehoshaphat went before the Lord and told God that he did not know what to do but that he was putting his trust in Him! God told Jehosophat not to be afraid because the battle was not his but the Lord's!
God will get His Glory not just in this hospital room but with every baby in here! While rocking me in her arms, mom nursed me to sleep. As she wrapped her arms around me, she prayed for their parents,; Those that were present and those that were absent! 5:30 the next morning, mom had to feed me because my MRI was scheduled for 8am The nurse advised mom that I could not eat (fast) again until the test was over. At 7:30 the nurse gave me chloral hydrate to make me go to sleep because they needed me to keep perfectly still while they placed my little body inside of that huge machine. Mom was right by my side; pleading the Blood of Jesus as they strapped me in tightly! Then they placed a shield over my face and head. They let mom stay in the room with me this time and she only cried for a little while because she started singing, "If it had not been for the Lord on my side, tell me where would I be? where would I be? The nurses encouraged mom to get some breakfast while I waited for my appointment with the Neurology Department. I had to get an EEG so that the doctors could see what was going on inside of my brain. As the technician marked and placed the many leads on my entire head and chest, mom talked to me as she held my hand. Mom is much stronger than she gives herself credit for and I am very proud of her!
Dad, I don't want you to feel guilty for turning your back on me!
I am already learning how to accept what God allows. When God turned His back on Jesus, when they hung him high and stretched Him wide on the cross on a hill called Mt. Calvary, it was God's will! It had to happen that way! Your turning your back on me was God's will too! Remember when Peter denied Jesus? Peter was so confident that he would support Jesus to the end but when they questioned him, Peter denied Jesus! You were just as confident when you told mom that you were going to be there and that you would help her to raise me but that didn't happen. Mom is raising me alone! What ever the reason is, God is in control!
Love your daughter,
Tamar Faith Lunsford,
All of Tamar's test results came back negative. She was released from the hospital on 4/20/99, with no restrictions. Today, she is 13 healthy and strong! I will bless the Lord at all times and his praise shall continually be in my mouth!